Introducing Benny, my faithful feline companion and roommate. Always ready to make a mess or destroy important pieces of technological equipment, Benny is an invaluable asset to any household beset by cleanliness or financial stability.

Full Name: Benedict Cumbercat

Nickname: Benny

Codename: The Oncoming Storm

Dislikes: Closed doors, salmon-flavored cat food, being disturbed when napping, anyone touching his tummy.

Likes: Eating crumbs off the kitchen floor, napping in high cupboards, yodeling at 3:00 in the morning, batting his toys into hard-to-reach places and then meowing pathetically until his owner retrieves them, kangaroo-kicking any hands that stray too near his tummy.

Benny and Snoopy share a long rivalry, which often results in Snoopy lying prostrate on the floor while Benny sits smugly nearby.

Benny, in a state of noble repose.

From those long-ago days before the cat carrier held any traumatic memories for dear Benny.

Good as a companion or a decorative item.

Ever graceful.

He also does impressions:

Vulture.

Vampire bat.

Balrog.

No time on moving day? No problem! Benny packs himself.

A stunning edition to any room’s decor.

Trained assassin.

Also a highly skilled paperweight.

Get yours today~!

***Update: NOW, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY…***

Included in your purchase of one Benny-Cat, a one-time, limited edition gift of a feline force of chaos and adorableness:

Behold, Darla! She will destroy your electronics, eat your plants, devour your important papers, and attack anything in sight with innocent, joyful bloodthirstiness.

No holiday tree is safe, and no paper left out shall go unmolested. Why waste money on expensive paper shredders when this one can be yours absolutely free, for only the cost of cat food and the inevitable therapy bills?

And hey, she sleeps sometimes!

Act now, while supplies last!