Results of the Chosen giveaway

As promised, the results of the Chosen: Book I giveaway! After compiling all the names of those who entered, I enlisted the help of Benny, my faithful feline companion, and Emily, my faithful friend and punster, to select the winner in the most scientific way possible.

chosendrawing01

By putting each name on a little strip of paper and drawing a name out of hat.

chosendrawing02

Here you see Benny inspecting the hat to make sure everything is entirely on the up and up, and also, that nothing within the vicinity is edible and/or made of cat food.

chosendrawing03

Clad in my finest Empire Strikes Back formal wear, I closed my eyes, turned my head away, and drew out the name of the lucky winner…

chosendrawing04

Kim “Pix” Hollon!

Congratulations, Kim! You’ll be receiving your copy of Chosen: Book I shortly after the new year!

chosen-frontcover_dec2014

(It will look like this, only bigger and not so 2D.)

Thank you to everyone who participated! Your awesomeness will long be remembered. <3

mark-hamill_hat-jazz

As will Mark Hamill’s stirring performance on The Muppet Show.

Goodnight, friends. <3

(More on Chosen here: Chosen Main Page )

Last chance to win a signed copy of Chosen

ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF THE EARTH!

Be advised that tomorrow is the final day to enter to win a signed, advance reader copy of Chosen, your new favorite LGBT fantasy novel! It has magic! It has emotion! It has daring action scenes and not-so-daring scenes where the characters, like, talk together and stuff! IT HAS EVERYTHING!

ellen_dramatic-face

ENTER TODAY or regret it forever.


chosen-frontcover_dec2014

When a mark on your skin decides whether you live or die…

A knock on the door, a voice in the night, and fifteen-year-old Kaine Ikarra’s world changes forever. His father has disappeared and no one will say what’s happened to him, only that he’s gone and won’t be coming back. Kaine and his mother flee the city in the middle of the night, running from whatever nameless terror has stolen his father away, and Kaine soon finds himself on the other side of the country in a small town called Aurora.

Aurora is quiet, idyllic, and the most dangerous place in the world for Kaine. Kaine has a secret, a glowing mark on his skin that grants him great powers—and could condemn him to death at the hands of his conservative new neighbors. According to the Book of the Gods, he is an abomination who must be put to death, and he knows that the devout people of Aurora won’t hesitate to do just that if they find out what he is.

In this world of danger, Kaine finds unexpected friends, powerful enemies, and a web of secrets that may finally lead him to unravel the mystery of his father’s disappearance—if he can stay alive long enough to find out.


How to enter: All you have to do is head over to Facebook and like my official author page and BAM, you’re entered.

tjbaer_facebook_dec2014
http://www.facebook.com/tjbaerofficial

Contest ends tomorrow, Friday, December 19th, so hurry and enter now while you still can! Exclamation exclamation!

Barring an internet apocalypse, the winner will be announced on Saturday, so stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!

starkid_avpm_chochang_omgiwon

Ask Me Anything, #2: Which involves pizza and a great deal of maturity

And now, the second exciting installment of Ask Me Anything, featuring yet more questions and answers! Hooray.

sherlock_john-excitement

So, let’s get right down to it with the first question:

Question #1: Do you like Chicago style pizza? If so, where’s the best place you have had it? -Bridget R.

I must confess, Bridget, to an Awful Truth.

Despite having lived in Chicago for nearly seven years, I have never actually had real Chicago-style pizza.

avpm_gasp

*SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME*

As it turns out, my pizza tastes are remarkably simple, and even the tomato-sauce-and-cheese-on-cardboard offerings of Little Caesar’s delight my plebeian tastebuds.

With that said, if anyone out there in Internet Land has any recommendations for good places to get Chicago-style pizza (answers we will not accept: “Chicago! :D”), do enlighten us in the comments so Bridget may have her answer.

I, in the meantime, will go back to slathering pizza sauce on a rock and calling it “crispy crust.”

Question #2: Do you ever get tempted to write something extremely raunchy? -Vanessa

george-takei_ohmy

During the course of my illustrious fanfiction career, I took part in several literary endeavors that involved characters divesting themselves of clothing and conducting in-depth investigations of one another’s nether regions. These investigations were pretty explicit, but even then, I tended to avoid the usage of anatomical words, I guess because such words have always just sounded a bit tacky to me.

rooster

With that said, it’s pretty challenging to write sex scenes without ever mentioning the body parts in question, so I hold no ill will towards those who make use of anatomical terms in order to ensure that the reader can actually tell what’s going on in a scene. For me, though, I prefer to avoid such words as “cock,” “love rod,” and “pulsing member,” as such phrases cause the 12-year-old in me to rise up and burst into pants-wettingly hysterical laughter.

ellen_hysterical-laughter

Maturity is overrated.

Also, my grandmother reads all my books, and while she’s a very open-minded lady who probably knows that sex exists, I’m not sure I’d ever be able to look her in the eye again if she had to read my detailed descriptions of man-parts and spurting fluids.

Is there anything wrong with writing about aforementioned man-parts and spurting fluids? Nothing at all. Just not my cup of tea.

…so to speak. Ewww.

ellen_hysterical-laughter

And that wraps up this very mature edition of Ask Me Anything. If you’ve got a question you’d like me to answer, head over to my Contact page and send it along.  And don’t forget to like me on Facebook for a chance to win a signed, advance reader copy of Chosen, something I haven’t mentioned on this blog for at least 24 hours.

Until next time~~~~!

pb_bye-bye-boys

Of giveaways and musical bosoms

Reminder: You, yes you, can win a signed, advance reader copy of Book I of Chosen!


chosen-frontcover_dec2014

When a mark on your skin decides whether you live or die…

A knock on the door, a voice in the night, and fifteen-year-old Kaine Ikarra’s world changes forever. His father has disappeared and no one will say what’s happened to him, only that he’s gone and won’t be coming back. Kaine and his mother flee the city in the middle of the night, running from whatever nameless terror has stolen his father away, and Kaine soon finds himself on the other side of the country in a small town called Aurora.

Aurora is quiet, idyllic, and the most dangerous place in the world for Kaine. Kaine has a secret, a glowing mark on his skin that grants him great powers—and could condemn him to death at the hands of his conservative new neighbors. According to the Book of the Gods, he is an abomination who must be put to death, and he knows that the devout people of Aurora won’t hesitate to do just that if they find out what he is.

In this world of danger, Kaine finds unexpected friends, powerful enemies, and a web of secrets that may finally lead him to unravel the mystery of his father’s disappearance—if he can stay alive long enough to find out.


How to enter: All you have to do is head over to Facebook and like my official author page and BAM, you’re entered.

tjbaer_facebook_dec2014
http://www.facebook.com/tjbaerofficial

The contest will end on Friday, December 19th, so get yourself entered ASAP. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for the actual publication date of the book like everyone else, and who has the patience for that?

sherlock_impatient

Anyway, as I’m tired and it’s past my old lady bedtime, I shall leave you now with these immortal words from Blanche Devereaux:

gg_blanche_cleavage-music

Goodnight, friends. <3

A glorious announcement and a chance to bombard my inbox with awkward questions

Friends, I have some truly glorious news. I have accomplished something today that I never dreamed possible, something that I feel is the very pinnacle of human achievement.

I HAVE FINISHED ALL OF MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

carlton_dance_christmas

My Christmas shopping style, it should be noted, generally involves a frenzied rush through the shops two days before Christmas, followed by a sleepless night of wrapping and papercuts and salty holiday tears.

But this year, THIS YEAR, I’ve actually managed to get things done semi-ahead of time, and even spread out my gift-buying so as to avoid my entire bank account being sucked into a black hole at the end of December.

Of course, I’ve still ended up broke, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that I would’ve been even more desperately broke had I not spaced out my holiday shopping throughout the months of October, November, and December.

andrewscott-fistpump

It’s the little victories.

Anyway. Despite my aforementioned impoverished status, I allowed myself two small Christmas purchases for myself – namely, season 5 of I Love Lucy and a massively dorky Snoopy shirt which I shall wear with pride until I inevitably spill something on it.

hardwork-being-awesome_dorkdorkdorkdork_02

Yeah, you wish you were cool like me.

In other news, in case you missed it, you can enter to win a signed, advanced reader copy of my upcoming LGBT fantasy novel, Chosen! Wow! Amazing! Stupendous! And other exclamatory words! Just head over to my official author page on Facebook and click “like,” and BAM, you’re entered.

tjbaer_facebook_dec2014
http://www.facebook.com/tjbaerofficial/

And really, what better way to celebrate the holiday season than by showering your love upon my Facebook page?

cm_troy_bdaythumbsup

…okay, there are literally thousands of better ways to celebrate, but will any of them potentially win you a copy of a book so glorious that even I, the author herself, cannot look upon it without being momentarily blinded by its sheer, dazzling brilliance?

chosen-frontcover_dec2014

Ooooh. Dazzling.

I’m also pleased to announce that I’ve done a few more site renovations. The Books page has been spiffed up (you can now click on the book covers to go to each book’s individual page), and the main Chosen page now has some extra goodies on it as well.

Lastly, an important announcement!

I’m going to be doing a new segment on this blog called Ask Me Anything, which may be the least creative title in the long, sad history of uncreative titles. But it does at least give you a good idea of the general idea of the thing, which is that readers can use this opportunity to ask me questions, whether they be about writing, my books, or my opinions on politics, religion, or cheese. (Important note: I am lactose intolerant.)

So, head on over to my Contact page and send me your questions – I’ll answer them here on the blog (and link to your site as well, should you like me to do so). If you’d like to remain anonymous, that’s also completely fine, provided you agree to wear a mysterious hat and trenchcoat when sending me your questions.

SO. In conclusion. Hey, ask me some questions!

cm_troy-abed-high-five-dance

Win a signed copy of Chosen, Book I

Hey, whoa, it’s giveaway time!

cm_jeff_clap-yay

The prize: A signed, advance reader copy of my upcoming LGBT fantasy novel, Chosen, Book I: The Hayel.

How To Enter: Like my Facebook page.

And? And…that’s it! Just like my Facebook page, and you’re automatically entered.

tjbaer_facebook_dec2014http://www.facebook.com/tjbaerofficial

And if you’ve already liked my page, first of all, congratulate yourself for being awesome, and then sit back and relax, because you’re already entered to win.

More on Chosen here:

chosen_cover_dec2014_full-sm
CHOSEN: BOOK I

The contest will run for a week or two, at which point I’ll randomly select a winner from those who’ve proven their unquestionable good taste by liking me on Facebook. I’ll post the announcement on Facebook and here on the blog so all may delight in your victory (and loathe your astounding good fortune).

atla_sokka_library!FLY NOW TO FACEBOOK, MY FRIENDS! FLY!

/yep, still sleep-deprived