Furiosa of Tarth, nipple filling, and the quietest reign of terror ever

Greetings, friends! It’s time once again to spam the internet with unasked-for information regarding my recent activities. Hurrah!

Things I’ve Been Up To As of Late:

1. I’ve been doing a lot of writing, working hard on Chosen: Book II, which actually takes place around twenty years before Book I because…reasons.

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The story’s really coming together (40,000 words at last count), and the chapter I’m working on now features a character who can literally be described as a “warrior princess” (though with far more sensible attire than Xena), a gender fluid character who ends up in a relationship with the aforementioned princess, and a rather sweet and angsty romance between a queen and a female soldier. The female soldier, I recently realized, I’ve been picturing as a cross between Furiosa from Mad Max and Brienne from Game of Thrones.

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Though how one body could possibly contain so much awesome and kick-ass-itude, I have no idea. Continue reading “Furiosa of Tarth, nipple filling, and the quietest reign of terror ever”

Fighting For the Galaxy: Chapter 8!

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Welcome back to Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays,  actually on a Friday for once! Wow!

In our last installment of hilariously bad pseudo-sci-fi, Captain Torel Abrigio charged off to the dangerous planet Sffonia in search of the shot-five-times-but-surprisingly-mobile Jessica, while T.J. cunningly blamed her knowledge of the Sffon codes on resident bad guy and turncoat Steve Phelps. As a reward for her information, the Sffon decided not to execute her, and instead are sending her off to be a human slave at some rich dude’s house, because sure, that sounds plausible.

Will T.J. be able to escape before she’s forced to don a ridiculously skimpy uniform and give stirring speeches about equality to her captors’ children? Will Abrigio somehow spot Jessica in minutes despite the fact that she could literally be anywhere on the entire planet of Sffonia? And will Mark actually kill someone by throwing a fork at them because he saw it in a movie once? (Answer: Yes. Yes, he will.)

Read on to find out the answers to these and more burning questions..!

Continue reading “Fighting For the Galaxy: Chapter 8!”

Thoughts on Star Trek: The Original Series

So, as I mentioned before, I’ve recently been working my way through Star Trek: The Original Series, which despite my all-around nerdiness and love of sci-fi, I’d somehow never seen before.

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I know. Madness.

I’ve been very much enjoying the series (when not raging about its hilariously awful treatment of women), and have been compiling my thoughts and reactions while working my way from episode to episode. I offer them to you now, because otherwise, I have no idea what to post about.

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Let’s boldly go…to my random comments on a classic science fiction series full of bad props, hilarious overacting, and rampant sexism. ENGAGE!

Continue reading “Thoughts on Star Trek: The Original Series”

Fighting For the Galaxy returns!

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And finally, Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays is back with another brow-creasing, head-tilting installment of puzzlingly bad decisions and questionable sci-fi! This time on a Thursday for some reason!

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In our last chapter, Jessica liberated herself from the intensive care unit via a well-timed punch to Captain Abrigio’s jaw, T.J. revealed her gory psychic dreams to soon-to-be-rat-food Rendar, and the gang was subjected to a probe by the evil Sffons’ mind-reading computer.

Venture below for the next thrilling chapter!

Continue reading “Fighting For the Galaxy returns!”

Star Trek, sexism, and my time travel wife

After another lengthy, unplanned hiatus, I have returned~~~!

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To the millions upon millions of clamoring fans demanding to know what I’ve been doing with myself these last two months, I offer the following:

1. I’ve been spending much of my time working, performing my duties as a Financially Challenged ESL Teacher by teaching my students valuable lessons about life in America, drawing stick figures to illustrate grammatical points, and answering questions like, “What does ‘be’ mean?” “What’s the difference between ‘underway,’ ‘ongoing,’ and ‘in progress?'” and “What is circumcision?”

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Continue reading “Star Trek, sexism, and my time travel wife”

In which more lives are lost and everyone goes dancing

Grab your flight helmets and dancing shoes, because it’s time once again for…

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In our last installment, we discovered the shocking and not-at-all-obvious fact that Sergeant Steve Phelps, hero of the Galactic Military and Jen’s new make-out buddy, is in actuality a spy for the evil Sffon Collective. Gasp! T.J. and Rendar were en route to the planet Maridia, but were waylaid when a slow-moving fighter (eventually) damaged their lightspeed engine.

And a good thing it did, for Maridia was suddenly overrun by the Sffon, meaning death for all GaMi officers on the planet. And so now, because no one has considered sending a quick radio call or futury text message to T.J. and Rendar (“R U DEAD? Y/N”), the folks back at GaMi headquarters are certain that our two heroic commanders were killed during the invasion.

Will T.J. and Rendar get back to Earth in time to reveal that Steve is the spy? Will Jess and Jen cry buckets and buckets of tears over the loss of their beloved friend, who is so great and awesome and special and wonderful? Will everything go to hell while our heroes go dancing for some reason?

READ ON AND FIND OUT.

Continue reading “In which more lives are lost and everyone goes dancing”

Totally not evil

And we’re back for another insane and illogical installment of

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When we last left our heroes (in chapter one, chapter two, and the somehow-worse-than-both-previous-chapters-combined chapter three), T.J. and Rendar were on a secret mission that involved kissing awkwardly for A Totally Plausible Reason; Jen had just met a gorgeous, heroic, and trusted-completely-by-everyone sergeant named Steve; and in a thrilling science fictiony climax, there was a mighty space battle that concluded when  the Sffon Cruisers were tricked into destroying themselves via Three Stooges Pie Fight logic.

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In this chapter: T.J. and Rendar are attacked by the slowest moving fighter in the history of space warfare, Jessica receives a medal for her tactical genius, and we at last learn the identity of the Sffon spy. (Hint: It’s the guy smiling evilly at the camera when bad news arrives.)

Read on for the next ridiculous chapter of Fighting For the Galaxy…!

Continue reading “Totally not evil”

In which there is more Fighting For the Galaxy

Welcome, friends, to another exciting installment of…

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But T.J., you may be saying (out loud to your computer). Didn’t we just have a Fighting For the Galaxy Friday Thursday yesterday?

And the answer is that yes, yes we did. But it has come to my attention that as today is actually Friday, I am honor-bound to provide another chapter of gif-laden science fiction dreck to you, my faithful readers, or risk tarnishing my good name forever.

So, put on your flight helmets and get into a consequence-free shouting match with your superior officer, because it’s time for another thrilling chapter of FIGHTING FOR THE GALAXY…!

When we last left our heroes, Commander T.J. Baer (and her faithful friends, Jen and Jess) had just refused to participate in a space battle against the murderous Sffon Collective because it was an obvious, neon-lights-flashing Trap. Captain Torel Abrigio, fingers planted firmly in his ears, dismissed T.J.’s warnings and ordered the fleet to proceed – and they were all blown to bits, including the majority of the planet Saturn (for some reason). When we rejoin our heroes, Captain Abrigio, T.J., Jess, Jen, and a few other survivors are facing down the fearsome Council of the Galactic Military to defend their actions.

And because I was thirteen when I wrote this, there will also be a swingin’ party where there are, like, boys and stuff.

AND NOW BACK OUR STORY:

Continue reading “In which there is more Fighting For the Galaxy”

Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays

Summer, 1996: I was thirteen, and my mom, brothers, and I were living at my grandparents’ house until our new house was ready to move into. It was a good summer for many reasons (sword battles with curtain rods come to mind, for example), but it also marked a milestone in my life:

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It was the summer I wrote my first novel.

Holed up in my uncle’s old bedroom with its olive green carpeting and slightly sunken mattress, I spent night after night hunched over my mom’s word processor, listening to *insert 90s bands here* on the radio and composing what I hoped would be a science fiction masterpiece.

Said masterpiece was entitled, “Fighting For the Galaxy,” and was my first foray into the glorious realm of the Mary Sue. It starred  25-year-old Commander T.J. Baer of the Galactic Military, fighting alongside her best friends, Jen and Jessica, against the murderous Sffon Collective. It featured space battles, aliens, romance, betrayal, intrigue, inexplicably bikini-clad maids, and a guy named Rendar. And it was, I felt at the time, the finest thing I – or, quite possibly, any other author in the history of mankind – had ever written.

The other day, while going through a box of old writings, I found Fighting For the Galaxy. And I am here now to tell you that it is both phenomenally bad and completely hilarious. For those reasons, I will be sharing  it here on this blog as part of a regular installment I will be calling…

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Boom.

Of course, today is Thursday, but why split hairs when there’s awful, hilarious pseudo sci-fi to be shared?

Continue reading “Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays”