Red Dwarf, Twitter, and shiny new shiny things

My plan for this weekend was to get some writing done, submit a few job applications, clean up my disaster area of an apartment, and just generally be so disgustingly productive that I’d instantly become the most hated individual on all the internet. (Thus ousting Mr. Donald “I’m actually an android created by The Onion to troll America” Trump from his current position of honor.)

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Unfortunately, a combination of lack of sleep, pudding brain, and depressing weather led to me spending most of yesterday stuffing my face with Chinese food and watching old episodes of Red Dwarf on Hulu.

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While I don’t in any way regret the nostalgia trip down Red Dwarf Lane, I do feel as if my Saturday was something of a waste. The only good thing that came of it was that T-Mobile, gracious overlords that they are, deigned to offer me a free phone to replace my ridiculously outdated current one.

Which means that I am now in possession of a shiny new phone and didn’t have to go (deeper) into debt to get it! Hurrah!

And really, it’s the most amazing thing: When I click on the internet on my new phone, the internet loads. And when I click on the photo gallery, the photo gallery loads. And when I take a picture, it takes a freaking picture. I’d gotten so used to my old, crappy phone that I’d forgotten it was possible for a piece of technology to actually do what it’s supposed to do.

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As a side effect of this unprecedented case of technology functioning properly, I’ve actually been starting to use my Twitter account for more than just cryptic announcements re: my most recent blog posts.

There’s nothing much there as of yet, but should anyone wish to observe my attempts to condense my habitual wordiness into 140 characters, you can follow my (embarrassing newbie) efforts here:

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Other than that, not much to report except that the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. / Agent Carter dubsmash war has been entertaining the crap out of me today, AMC’s Humans is one of the best shows I’ve seen in a very long time, and I’m both horribly confused and horribly excited for the Sherlock Christmas special.

And now to attempt to salvage some of my weekend by cramming two days’ worth of productivity into the tiny wedge of Sunday still available to me.

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LET’S DO THIS.

Of giveaways and musical bosoms

Reminder: You, yes you, can win a signed, advance reader copy of Book I of Chosen!


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When a mark on your skin decides whether you live or die…

A knock on the door, a voice in the night, and fifteen-year-old Kaine Ikarra’s world changes forever. His father has disappeared and no one will say what’s happened to him, only that he’s gone and won’t be coming back. Kaine and his mother flee the city in the middle of the night, running from whatever nameless terror has stolen his father away, and Kaine soon finds himself on the other side of the country in a small town called Aurora.

Aurora is quiet, idyllic, and the most dangerous place in the world for Kaine. Kaine has a secret, a glowing mark on his skin that grants him great powers—and could condemn him to death at the hands of his conservative new neighbors. According to the Book of the Gods, he is an abomination who must be put to death, and he knows that the devout people of Aurora won’t hesitate to do just that if they find out what he is.

In this world of danger, Kaine finds unexpected friends, powerful enemies, and a web of secrets that may finally lead him to unravel the mystery of his father’s disappearance—if he can stay alive long enough to find out.


How to enter: All you have to do is head over to Facebook and like my official author page and BAM, you’re entered.

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http://www.facebook.com/tjbaerofficial

The contest will end on Friday, December 19th, so get yourself entered ASAP. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for the actual publication date of the book like everyone else, and who has the patience for that?

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Anyway, as I’m tired and it’s past my old lady bedtime, I shall leave you now with these immortal words from Blanche Devereaux:

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Goodnight, friends. <3

Queer Investigations, or possibly another title altogether.

So, you know that thing I said about updating more frequently?

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Yeah, not so much.

Anyway, since I’m sure you’re all absolutely burning to know what I’ve been up to, I’ll tell you. First off, I’ve been studying a great deal of Japanese, because I have a deep masochistic streak and want my brain to shrivel up and die, apparently. I’ve also been doing a bit of writing on Chosen (see prior entries re: my Gay Fantasy Epic), which is clipping along at a tortoise-like slow-and-steady pace, but is at least moving in the right direction. (Yay.)

I’ve also been working on a (semi-) new story, one which I’d like to introduce to you today for lack of anything better to talk about. And that story shall henceforth be known as…

The Paranormal Lesbians Story.

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…eh, I’ll work on it.

The sad truth is, I don’t have a title for it yet, though one of the working titles is Queer Investigations. Because, as one character puts it, “Two lesbians and a charming gay man who investigate weird – or queer – things for a reasonable fee. It’s perfect, right?”

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Our main character is Lila Matsumoto, a half-Japanese Chicago girl of the lesbian persuasion who’s abandoned her dull 9-to-5 job in favor of running a Paranormal Consulting business.

It was a pretty good gig, overall—interesting, reasonably lucrative, let me set my own hours—but it did have some downsides, such as having to keep track of all my business expenses for taxes, and those occasional times when unholy creatures of the night decided they wanted to kill me and feast on my innards. But it was pretty decent for the most part, and allowed me the added bonus of sharing my working hours with my two  best friends, bat-shit insane though they both were.

It’s a fun story to write, and a nice departure from Chosen, which is more on the serious side and all written in third person. It’s nice to drop back into something closer to my own “voice,” and I’m having a great time exploring these characters. Lila is tough and confident, but has major trust issues and can’t seem to let go of the memory of her Aunt Harry, who was killed Quite Mysteriously when Lila was just a kid. Nadine is dreamy and good-natured, obsessed with movies and science fiction, while Miranda keeps herself immersed in books as a guard against reality and social interaction. Lila’s had a bit of a thing for Miranda for years, but Miranda’s never shown any interest in anyone, male or female, so the whole thing seems pretty hopeless. BUT IS IT REALLY??

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Etc.

Anyway. I did some work on it today (including doing a random Google search for actresses to fit my image of the main characters, because that was totally necessary >_>), and I’m hoping to get some more work done on it and maybe someday actually – gasp – finish the durned thing. Which, I swear, is a more interesting story than it probably sounds from this sleep-deprived, overly caffeinated description.

And now, because I need to get to bed, I leave you with this profound thought:

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Goodnight, friends~~<3

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Edit: So, it would seem that in my somewhat less than coherent state last night, I typed in the wrong working title. It’s supposed to be “Queer Investigations,” not “Queer Consulting,” but as the latter was typed first, it is now and forever part of the URL for this entry. I could change it, yes, but that would take too much of my precious energy, which I could be putting to other, better uses – like cleaning my apartment (unlikely) or rewatching eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender (more likely).

So, yes. Just wanted to put that out there. :P

On peanut butter and my gay fantasy epic

So, today I thought I’d write a bit about my Gay Fantasy Epic (TM), as I mention it approximately 26,000 times per post and people may in fact be wondering what the hell I’m talking about.

I also can’t think of a single other thing to write about, aside from a detailed description of my breakfast and a general wondering as to why I end up with peanut butter on the front of my sweatshirt EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

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So, yes, let’s talk about my fantasy novel.

First, a tearful confession: “Gay Fantasy Epic” is actually not the title I have in mind for it. (I know. Heartbreaking.) The working title is Chosenthough it is also frequently referred to as “Nicky Ficcie” by certain friends of mine who also find it amusing to write parody fanfiction pairing my main characters up with sheep. But the less said about that, the better. 

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I’ve been working on it since I was about fifteen (back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth and we used mysterious black squarish things called “floppy disks”), and I’ve written and rewritten it so many times that I often get confused as to which version of events I’m currently writing. Which is a great place to be when you’re trying to write a horribly complicated fantasy epic, naturally.

The plot is based on the idea of a holy text having been translated and rewritten so many times that the original meaning is somewhat twisted, to the point that a group of people once lauded by the gods – the “Chosen” – are now seen as being evil and vile and just generally bad. “Abominations,” if you will.

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This is an entirely fictional idea with no possible parallels in the real world.

The main focus of the story is on Kaine and Nicholas, two young men who have been through a great deal of tragedy and general awfulness due to having been born “Chosen.” I really like them as characters, actually – Kaine is sarcastic and irritable and anti-social, and has never really had a friend before, whereas Nicholas is fairly happy and well-adjusted, though with some rather large issues of his own that he has to deal with. They’re brought together by a shared tragedy–

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–and are able to build a really strong, affirming sort of friendship out of it. Their relationship is the real heart of the story, and I adore them so much that I’ve had a hard time writing a book that I feel is good enough for them. I do keep trying, though.

There are a lot of other characters, and some political things and world things and things things THINGS, but at the end of the day, it’s a book about two people finding each other and making each other’s lives a little better.

And there’s also some magic and fighting and a race of wolf people, because YEAH, magic and fighting and wolf people!!1! But in the end, it’s really a story about love. <3 

And that’s all I have to say about that. I will now go make lunch, and spend a few minutes gazing sadly at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink before shrugging and going back to ignoring their existence. Let Future Me take care of them, along with all the other things I’ve been putting off. She’s going to be so pissed. >_>

This is a blog post! Wow! Amazing!

So, I’m going to try this interesting new thing called “updating my blog on a semi-regular basis.”

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I know. Shocking.

We’ll see how it goes.

So, for my first Updating My Blog On A Semi-Regular Basis (UMBOASRB?) entry:

Ummmm. Hm.

Ah, got it. Things I’ve been doing recently!

1. Watching a great deal of Sherlock

2. Thinking a great deal about Sherlock

3. Cursing winter and its unholy grip over the land

4. Writing a bit here and there, mostly my Gay Fantasy Epic (TM) and a teeny tiny bit of Sherlock fanfiction

5. Not cleaning my apartment or washing clothes or washing dishes (i.e., living in squalor)

6. Teaching as many lessons as possible to replenish the money lost over the holidays (plane tickets, cat sitter, lost revenue, gifts for everyone in the world, shipping, etc.)

7. Cursing whoever’s idea it was to put a button on my phone’s keypad that automatically opens the internet browser when I accidentally bump it while typing.

8. Sleeping, or trying to sleep, despite the screeching noise my radiator makes at varying intervals during the night and the woman next door who insists on giving loud, manic sermons to the wall behind my head at 6 AM nearly every morning. To-ho-ho, apartment living. Good times.

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(I may also be developing a slight addiction to gifs, for which I am sorry. But not sorry enough to stop using them.)

Annnnnd that’s about it, I suppose. Another thrilling entry.

Oh, and a reminder: I have books and you can buy them! So, if you find yourself with a little extra cash and a tragic lack of my fiction in your life, head on over to my Books page and start-a-spending. Why waste money on food or rent when you could be using it to buy books?

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…yeah. I may need an intervention of some kind.

Until next time~!