Creating this five-minute video somehow took all freaking morning (and beyond), but I’m fairly satisfied with the result, so I suppose all is well. :P In any case! A look at my ongoing LGBTQ+ fantasy series, Chosen, and the general state of queer and powerful ladies in media, accompanied by a great many gifs because a video of just my voice + a black screen would probably be less than scintillating.
Welcome back to Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays, actually on a Friday for once! Wow!
In our last installment of hilariously bad pseudo-sci-fi, Captain Torel Abrigio charged off to the dangerous planet Sffonia in search of the shot-five-times-but-surprisingly-mobile Jessica, while T.J. cunningly blamed her knowledge of the Sffon codes on resident bad guy and turncoat Steve Phelps. As a reward for her information, the Sffon decided not to execute her, and instead are sending her off to be a human slave at some rich dude’s house, because sure, that sounds plausible.
Will T.J. be able to escape before she’s forced to don a ridiculously skimpy uniform and give stirring speeches about equality to her captors’ children? Will Abrigio somehow spot Jessica in minutes despite the fact that she could literally be anywhere on the entire planet of Sffonia? And will Mark actually kill someone by throwing a fork at them because he saw it in a movie once? (Answer: Yes. Yes, he will.)
Read on to find out the answers to these and more burning questions..!
And finally, Fighting For the Galaxy Fridays is back with another brow-creasing, head-tilting installment of puzzlingly bad decisions and questionable sci-fi! This time on a Thursday for some reason!
In our last chapter, Jessica liberated herself from the intensive care unit via a well-timed punch to Captain Abrigio’s jaw, T.J. revealed her gory psychic dreams to soon-to-be-rat-food Rendar, and the gang was subjected to a probe by the evil Sffons’ mind-reading computer.
Venture below for the next thrilling chapter!
And we’re back for another insane and illogical installment of…
When we last left our heroes (in chapter one, chapter two, and the somehow-worse-than-both-previous-chapters-combined chapter three), T.J. and Rendar were on a secret mission that involved kissing awkwardly for A Totally Plausible Reason; Jen had just met a gorgeous, heroic, and trusted-completely-by-everyone sergeant named Steve; and in a thrilling science fictiony climax, there was a mighty space battle that concluded when the Sffon Cruisers were tricked into destroying themselves via Three Stooges Pie Fight logic.
In this chapter: T.J. and Rendar are attacked by the slowest moving fighter in the history of space warfare, Jessica receives a medal for her tactical genius, and we at last learn the identity of the Sffon spy. (Hint: It’s the guy smiling evilly at the camera when bad news arrives.)
Read on for the next ridiculous chapter of Fighting For the Galaxy…!
Welcome, friends, to another exciting installment of…
But T.J., you may be saying (out loud to your computer). Didn’t we just have a Fighting For the Galaxy
Friday Thursday yesterday?
And the answer is that yes, yes we did. But it has come to my attention that as today is actually Friday, I am honor-bound to provide another chapter of gif-laden science fiction dreck to you, my faithful readers, or risk tarnishing my good name forever.
So, put on your flight helmets and get into a consequence-free shouting match with your superior officer, because it’s time for another thrilling chapter of FIGHTING FOR THE GALAXY…!
When we last left our heroes, Commander T.J. Baer (and her faithful friends, Jen and Jess) had just refused to participate in a space battle against the murderous Sffon Collective because it was an obvious, neon-lights-flashing Trap. Captain Torel Abrigio, fingers planted firmly in his ears, dismissed T.J.’s warnings and ordered the fleet to proceed – and they were all blown to bits, including the majority of the planet Saturn (for some reason). When we rejoin our heroes, Captain Abrigio, T.J., Jess, Jen, and a few other survivors are facing down the fearsome Council of the Galactic Military to defend their actions.
And because I was thirteen when I wrote this, there will also be a swingin’ party where there are, like, boys and stuff.
AND NOW BACK OUR STORY:
Summer, 1996: I was thirteen, and my mom, brothers, and I were living at my grandparents’ house until our new house was ready to move into. It was a good summer for many reasons (sword battles with curtain rods come to mind, for example), but it also marked a milestone in my life:
It was the summer I wrote my first novel.
Holed up in my uncle’s old bedroom with its olive green carpeting and slightly sunken mattress, I spent night after night hunched over my mom’s word processor, listening to *insert 90s bands here* on the radio and composing what I hoped would be a science fiction masterpiece.
Said masterpiece was entitled, “Fighting For the Galaxy,” and was my first foray into the glorious realm of the Mary Sue. It starred 25-year-old Commander T.J. Baer of the Galactic Military, fighting alongside her best friends, Jen and Jessica, against the murderous Sffon Collective. It featured space battles, aliens, romance, betrayal, intrigue, inexplicably bikini-clad maids, and a guy named Rendar. And it was, I felt at the time, the finest thing I – or, quite possibly, any other author in the history of mankind – had ever written.
The other day, while going through a box of old writings, I found Fighting For the Galaxy. And I am here now to tell you that it is both phenomenally bad and completely hilarious. For those reasons, I will be sharing it here on this blog as part of a regular installment I will be calling…
Of course, today is Thursday, but why split hairs when there’s awful, hilarious pseudo sci-fi to be shared?
On part two of Totally Real Celebrity Interviews, Matt Smith and I discuss Benedict Cumberbatch, our amazing twin bond, and Matt’s super-sexy new look! (In case you missed part 1, my hard-hitting interview with Benedict Cumberbatch, you can find it here.)
Now, onto the interview!